


Scared of the Dark

by dollphase



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Afterlife, Brotherly Love, Character Death, sirius finds out that regulus died a hero, sirius meets regulus in the afterlife, they talk about what happened
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-12 17:02:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29762817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dollphase/pseuds/dollphase
Summary: “Regulus."Regulus strode towards Sirius and nodded. “Yes, I do recall that being my name”.Sirius felt the floor beneath him sway. This couldn’t be. The pamphlet clearly said that alovedone would take him to hisproperhome.Regulus meets Sirius at King's Cross to take him to the afterlife.
Relationships: Regulus Black & Sirius Black
Comments: 10
Kudos: 61





	Scared of the Dark

**Author's Note:**

> edited slightly because i forgot that regulus died in 79', not 81'

_When a wizard or witch dies, they will wake up at a crossroad. For many who attended Hogwarts, this crossroad will King’s Cross. A loved one is to travel from where ever their soul rests in order to bring the recently deceased to their proper home. Please wait patiently for them to arrive via Hogwarts Express if they are not already there. Thank You._

Sirius read this all on the card he found in his pocket as he sat on a bench in King’s Cross. As he clutched the card, he couldn’t help but notice how the worn lines in his hands had disappeared, his skin smooth and youthful. It made him wonder how the rest of him looked. 

He couldn’t believe he was dead. All of those years he wasted rotting in a way in a jail cell, wishing he was dead, seemed foolish now. There wasn’t much Sirius wouldn’t give to return to the land of the living. He only had two years with Harry…

Sirius sighed and pushed the thought of his godson out his head. James and Lily must have felt loads worse when they first died. Harry was their son, after all. Sirius ought to be glad his death was a painless one and that he already had many friends waiting for him on the other side. Marlene McKinnon was the first of the core Order to leave. She must have been quite lonely in the afterlife, or maybe she was preoccupied with her deceased family, who had been killed alongside her. All Sirius knew was that once Dearborn passed over, Marlene surely wouldn’t have been bored nor lonely anymore. Caradoc always had a gift for ruining boredom and had enough presence for ten people. Things would have only gotten more crowded once Edgar, Benjy, Dorcas, James, and Lily joined them. And now Sirius. 

Sirius wouldn’t deny it, he was a bit excited to see his deceased friends again. It had been too long since he saw Marlene run her fingers through her long feathery hair or laughed at one of Caradoc’s extremely lewd jokes, or talked Quiditch with Edgar, or talked French poetry with Benjy, or had a heated Hufflepuff vs Gryffindor discussion with Dorcas, or called Lily ‘Evans’ just so she’d tell him: ‘I’m actually a Potter now, thank you very much’. But most of all, Sirius missed James so much, it physically hurt him. James Potter was Sirius’s platonic soul mate.

Sirius smiled gleefully as the Hogwarts express lugged its way into the station. He expected James to bust through one of the perfectly polished doors of the train, greeting him with that same half-stupid, half-gallant lopsided smile that Sirius longed for. 

But much to his surprise and horror, James did not step out of the Hogwarts express. Instead of a head of unruly raven curls and warm brown eyes, Sirius was met with shiny waves and cold grey eyes that mirrored his own. The man -- no, boy-- that walked out of express was slim and lean with high cheekbones and sharp features. He looked barely eighteen, matching the time of his disappearance well. He bore an impassive look that Sirius could have recognized from anywhere.

“Regulus”.

Regulus strode towards Sirius and nodded. “Yes, I do recall that being my name”. 

Sirius felt the floor beneath him sway. This couldn’t be. The pamphlet clearly said that a _loved_ one would take him to his _proper_ home.

“I’m not going to hell!” Sirius exclaimed. Sure he should have had a little more faith in Lupin, but he had done his time (quite literally) and they’d made their amends, tried to kill Peter, and Sirius had fought bravely to the end. So what could warrant him a place in hell? Was the universe still mad at Sirius for making Peter secrete keeper?

Regulus laughed. “You’re not going to hell, Sirius”

“But it said ‘proper home’-”

“I didn’t go to hell, Sirius”, Regulus interrupted, his laughter cutting short and a dark look flashing over his face. “Believe me, I was just as shocked as you are. I thought for sure I had tainted my slate too many times in order to go anywhere but hell, but apparently sacrificing your life to double-cross Voldemort is redeeming enough to get you a seat in the sky, so…” he trailed off.

Sirius furrowed his eyebrows. What did Regulus mean by the last part of his sentence? Was he talking about himself? 

“What do you mean, ‘double-cross’-”

Regulus cut him off with a wave of a hand and a shake of his head. He took a seat next to Sirius on the bench and Sirius knew he was in for a long conversation.

“I regretted it, my last years of life. I regretted ever taking the mark when I was sixteen. I think you figured enough so, though. We both knew I was the kinder of the Black brothers, even if nobody would be able to guess at first glance. You knew I wasn’t cut out for being Death Eater, I was too soft for a gang of killing-maniacs. You also knew that deep down, I was never meant to be a blood purist. If I could treat Kreacher with decent respect, I could treat muggle-borns and half-bloods half-decently as well. And I did, at least, until you left. I never cared for blood supremacy that much, I treated Sev like a brother, and even if I had my prejudices, I never wished death upon muggle-borns. I would never make a good Death Eater and you knew it. You always reminded me of it too. I think I knew too, that’s why I hated it when you told me otherwise.”

Sirius mulled over this information, staring blankly at the empty station. The train had left sometime during Regulus’s monolog, leaving the two brothers alone at Kings Cross. Maybe the train knew that Sirius wasn’t ready to blindly follow Regulus into one of its compartments. Sirius still half-thought that this was all a trick and that Regulus was going to lead him to the depths of hell.

“Why’d you do it then? I mean, you always had some interest in the Dark Arts, but I never thought you’d actually do it. Why’d you join?”

Regulus sighed and clicked his tongue in a way that sourly reminded Sirius of all the nights they spent huddled in the cellar of Grimuald, rolling their eyes, clicking their tongues, and complaining about their parents. It was only when Regulus grew to be thirteen did he ever suggest that maybe Sirius was the problem and that he should keep quiet about his being a blood-traitor and that maybe things would go smoother that way. Sirius had taken it as a personal insult. It was the beginning of the fraying of their brotherhood.

“I guess I was mad at you for leaving. I figured if I delve into an obsession with Lord Voldermort then it’d be like I was rebelling against you. I’d give you a real reason to have left. I know you left because mum and dad were giving you a hard time and that they were driving you up a wall with their pure-blooded mania, but in a way, it felt like you were abandoning me. By that time, we didn’t have the best relationship. I was more than happy to bite my tongue and do whatever mummy and daddy told me to do, it was easier that way. I knew you hated how compliant I was, that I wasn’t willing to stick my neck out the way you were. But the truth of the matter was that you lost them the second you were sorted into that obnoxious house. You made friends and made a new life completely separate from the Noble House of Black. You didn’t need them anymore. I did. If I had denounced blood supremacy, I would have lost everything. My family, my friends, my embarrassingly small reputation. There were some nights I wished I was sorted into Gryffindor, but I suppose that’s why I wasn’t. I was never brave like you or Andromeda.”

“Andromeda was also in Slytherin, you know”, Sirius pointed out, not really knowing why he did. It didn’t matter.

Regulus smiled sadly at him. “She was and she was still loads braver than me. She married that muggle-born knowing she’d lose her family and friends, but that didn’t matter because they were never her family or friends. She lived eighteen years of pure lies, counting the days until she could get out. _That’s_ why she’s a Slytherin. We all thought she’d take the mark, didn’t we? But she didn’t. She webbed a perfect string of lies that we all believed until the day her last name changed. That’s ambition and cunningness.”

Sirius never thought of it like that. The second Andromeda Black became a Tonks, she immediately became his favourite cousin. His favouritism was only cemented as Andromeda sent him owls explaining herself and inviting him over for dinner over the summer holidays. Sirius looked up to his older cousin like she was his sister. He couldn’t believe the way she manipulated her way into blood-traitorness. It was admirable.

“You’re right. I never thought of it like that. She never was a Black”, Sirius agreed. “But that doesn’t explain your story”.

Regulus sighed again and rolled his eyes, but Sirius didn’t think that his eye roll was directed towards him. Regulus’s face hardened and his eyes grew stony, like he was remembering something. When he spoke, his voice was cold and laced with self-disgust. Sirius could recognize the self-disgust from all the nights he spent listing to Remus talk about himself. It only made this conversation harder to sit through for Sirius as he remembered his living friend, one of about five people he would miss while in death.

“I was too stupid when I was younger. I was hurt that you left and I was already dabbling in the Dark Arts to keep mum and dad happy. After you left, I figured the only thing I was good for was pleasing others. I threw myself into a dark world and I became the best son anyone could ask for. I convinced myself that it’s what I wanted, although I don’t think anyone around me was as convinced. They never fully trusted me. I could tell. I think it’s why nobody cared so much when I died. A lot of people, you included, thought I had gotten myself too deep in and tried to back out. I guess in a way it’s the truth, but it’s a bit more complex than that”

Sirius’ heart ached. He felt a heavy feeling that he not often felt; guilt. The summer night Sirius ran away was filled with screaming and fighting. Sirius had been so caught up in his own head that he ran out of the house without a second thought. Maybe if he had looked back, he would have seen Regulus’s watery eyes staring at him from behind the large cabinet containing family heirlooms, hiding as he watched his brother leave in horror. But Sirius was also mad at Regulus, who did nothing but beg Sirius to stop, to let it go and wait until he was of age to put up a fight, just like Andromeda did. Sirius was tired of hiding and feeling trapped. He didn’t think of Regulus much until he returned to Hogwarts and made painful eye contact with his brother in one of Hogwart’s many halls. They stared at eachother, both eyes filled with regret, remorse, but more importantly, anger and rage. Regulus was the first to run and Sirius didn’t come into contact with his brother since then. Sometimes he thought about Regulus, the same guilt clenching his heart, but as Regulus furthered his interest in the Dark Arts, Sirius’s guilt lessened.

“It was only when I was eighteen did I realize everything I had done was a mistake. It’s easy to call someone a mudblood, it’s hard to kill one. I never wanted to hurt anybody, not seriously, anyway. It was okay to watch Barty and Malfoy hex people at school and sometimes I may have even laughed. It was easy to convince myself I belonged. In a way, I’m like that friend of yours, that Lupin kid.”

“What’s Remus got to do with any of it”, Sirius snapped. 

Regulus rolled his eyes again, although this time it was directed towards Sirius. “I only mean that Lupin liked watching you and your mates bully kids as much as I liked watching mine. I’m not thick. I saw the way he looked at you lot when you were mucking about. He would tolerate it, and laugh a few times, maybe even help out a few times, but he didn’t like watching you and Potter prance around like idiots, hexing people for the fun of it. He never had the guts to tell you all to knock it off, and I’m the same as him. It’s not exactly the same ‘cause your friends weren’t blood purists, but still. I never had the guts to just leave my friends. I wish I did”.

“What about the double-crossing you were talking about? You said something about double-crossing Voldermort?”

Regulus smirked in a way that was so characteristicly Black. Somewhere in the distance, Sirius could hear the whistle of a train and he knew that even if he never found out about the double-crossing, he had long forgiven Regulus. He only hoped Regulus forgave him.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Regulus teased. He stood up from the bench as soon as the Hogwarts Express pulled into the station and motioned for Sirius to follow suit. “I kind of sacrificed my life to help bring Voldermort down", he ignored Sirius's dropped jaw and continued. "I’ll tell you about it later. It’s time for us to leave now.”

Sirius stood up and chewed on his lips. He was still half-convinced that this was only a dream and the second they stepped into the train, Regulus would laugh in his face and say; ‘Surprise! We’re going to hell!’

All his life, Sirius had dreamed about the day he’d make amends with his brother. He knew it was foolish, that Regulus had been lost in the Death Eaters, but he had foolishly hoped that maybe one day Regulus would return to the light. And now that he had, Sirius couldn’t believe it. In a world that had handed Sirius so many bad cards, surly now wasn’t going to be the time he got handed a good one.

“But it said loved one on the paper”, Sirius said hastily, trying to think of a reason that Regulus might be deceiving him. “A loved one woul-”

“You loved me once”, Regulus answered simply. “And I think you never did stop loving me. We’re brothers after all. You don’t throw away fourteen years of good memories for two years of bad ones”.

Sirius nodded. He never stopped being Regulus’s brother.

“Even when I hated you, I loved you still”, Sirius admitted. Regulus gave him a knowing smile and stuck out his hand. Sirius took it gratefully, feeling seven again while leading Regulus down a particularly dark corridor of Grimuald during the night. Regulus had always been scared of the dark.

“We’re brothers through and through”, Regulus said as they approached the shiny red doors of one of the carts. Regulus slide it open carefully and knowingly like he had done it before. That’s when Sirius realized, this wasn’t Regulus’s first train ride. He had died sixteen years earlier.

“Regulus”, Sirius started right before Regulus stepped into the cart. He turned to look at Sirius with a raised eyebrow. “Who greeted you… when you first died I mean. It says a loved one would greet you and-”

“No one”, Regulus answered firmly, cutting Sirius off. “Nobody greeted me on the other side. I got the same card as you did, I think it’s generic. I waited for hours and hours before the train came. I think…”, he looked up, avoiding eye contact with Sirius. “I think they didn’t know where to put me. While I was waiting, I thought about my life, really thought about it. Once I realized how badly I fucked up and how okay I was with going to hell, the train came. I rode silently, fully expecting to burn in hell. Imagine your friend’s surprise when they stepped out of the train and saw me lurking in the corner; Sirius Black’s demented brother. I don’t think I ever saw James Potter smirk that much until the day he stepped out the train and saw me”. 

“James was there?” Sirius asked, surprised. “And he was smirking at you?”

Regulus laughed. He stepped into the cart and stuck a hand out for Sirius, hoisting him into the train. “He said that he always knew I had a bit of good in me, even if I was a major prick.” Regulus closed the door behind them and collapsed onto one of the seats in the Express. “He also said you’d be bloody happy when I got to meet you at Kings Cross”.

“He knew you were going to meet me at King's Cross?”

Regulus smiled crookedly at him. 

“Sirius, the little card doesn’t tell you the whole truth. It’s not who you love that brings you home, it’s who you need”, Regulus answered plainly and Sirius felt the train swing into motion, speeding towards their final destination.


End file.
